physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
