There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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