got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
