Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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