That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
