Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
