Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
