one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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