Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
