I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
