i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I understand Curling. That high.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
