how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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