dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
