All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
