I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she peed on how many people?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
