I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
