anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
