i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You have to summon your inner elephant
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
