It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
