i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
