Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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