after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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