hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i already hear my dad disowning me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
