I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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