he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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