he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
