Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
