her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
