More tranny stories later!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
