Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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