I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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