no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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