Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
