I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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