My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
