On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
