I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
