Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
