I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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