Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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