I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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