Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
