I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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