its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
