My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
