I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
