one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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