oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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