I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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