dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
