Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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